Letter to Santa

A friend shared this by email today ....

Dear Santa,

I've been a good mum all year. I've fed, cleaned and cuddled my children on demand, visited the doctor's office more than my doctor, sold sixty-two cases of choc bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the school playground.

I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmases, since I had to write this letter with my son's red crayon, on the back of a receipt in the laundry between cycles, and who knows when I'll find anymore free time in the next 18 years.

Here are my Christmas wishes:

• I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache (in any colour, except purple, which I already have) and arms that don't hurt or flap in the breeze; but are strong enough to pull my screaming child out of the lolly aisle in the grocery store.
• I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month of my last pregnancy.
• If you're hauling big ticket items this year I'd like fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music; a television that doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking animals; and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.
• On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that says, "Yes, Mummy" to boost my parental confidence, along with two kids who don't fight and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of power tools. I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting "Don't eat in the living room" and "Take your hands off your brother," because my voice seems to be just out of my children's hearing range and can only be heard by the dog.
• If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for enough time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being served in a Styrofoam container.
• If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to brighten the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare tomato sauce (even McDonalds for working Mum's) a vegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely. It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized crime family.

Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and my son saw my feet under the laundry door. I think he wants his crayon back. Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the door and come in and dry off so you don't catch cold. Help yourself to cookies on the table but don't eat too many or leave crumbs on the carpet.

Yours Always,

MUM...!

P.S. one more thing...you can cancel all my requests if you can keep my children happy, healthy and always believing.

*Santa has asked that this gets passed on to all the mummies you know*

'Tis the season to be jolly ...

A 4 year old's social life is hectic! Throughout November there has been at least one birthday party every weekend! We started December with 2 parties on the same day - the longest day of my life. This weekend we're cramming in a Christmas party, trip to see Santa, school production of High School Musical, Christmas fair and the Christingle service at my parent's local church. Then things really turn up a gear - visitors at the beginning of the week followed by the nursery nativity.

Last year my son was an angelic little angel in the nativity play - this year he's grown so much taller than the rest that I don't think he could pass it off. Like every mother of sons I was pushing for Joseph - I played the 'my son's been here since the day it opened' card but to no avail. 'We're' a shepherd - though my son insists that he is the 'leader shepherd'. As far as I know he has no lines to say - there's one 'speaking angel' but no 'speaking shepherd'. He refuses to rehearse with me as I don't know the tunes (apparently 'Whoops-a-daisy Angel' is legendary but I've not head of it - yet).

I have fears that my son will spontaneously combust before Christmas day. He's already demanding that the things we did last year (when we had more money) are tradition and need to be repeated. Each morning he's left for nursery demanding a 'Christmas surprise' when he gets back. It was nice to have help with the tree - even if he deemed it 'hard work' after only 10 minutes.

My only problem is his behaviour. I kind of thought that, for a few years at least, he'd be so scared of not getting any presents that he would behave perfectly for the whole of December (poor deluded fool that I am). The tantrums are worse than ever - take 2 stubborn people and let them wonder why their child is so stubborn. He WILL not back down. He WILL scream at the top of his voice at the slightest sign of not getting his own way. When they are 2 onlookers will smile and mutter 'terrible twos', when they are 4 (but almost as tall as a 6 year old) they're looking up social services on their mobiles speed dial. My OH and I are the ones covered in bruises as we try to reason with him on the naughty step.

Back in November I came up with an idea - perhaps Santa could write him a letter, advise him that the was currently on the naughty list and that he should try extra hard to be good to get promoted onto the good list. My mum said she'd report me for child abuse...

I did get Santa to write a little p.s. reminding him to be good over the next few weeks - and, boy, are we referring to it daily. Maybe nursery made a wise choice in not trusting him with a 'lead' role ;-)