The Power of Praise

The other day I saw the true power of praise. Of course we praise our son regularly - 'oh good boy you've eaten your dinner', 'well done for brushing your teeth', etc. etc. but I suppose these comments have lost their glamour and he barely notices them. (It still makes me laugh when he insists on accompanying me to the toilet and saying 'Well done, Good Girl, mummy!' - thankfully never 'now wash your hands' or 'wipe your bottom'! - always a laugh in M&S ladies'.)

For a few months now we've had a problem with swimming lessons. All week he talks about going swimming and builds himself up into a frenzy of excitement on the actual day. He behaves excellently for the first 10 minutes and then goes into toddler tantrum meltdown - in front of a packed pool - for the rest of the session. Often he calms down for the last 2 minutes and discovers he can actually do what everyone else is doing and then we have meltdown again when I tell him it is time to get out. Last week was a prime example and involved kicking and screaming - on his part - and crying on mine. In the end I dumped him on the side of the pool and stepped away, calmly told him it wasn't acceptable and eventually he joined in with the last 5 minutes of the lesson. For the next three days I couldn't bend my arms at the elbow, as a result of holding him at arms length for so long, and decided that this had to stop.

I resorted to bribery. I told him that there was a big tube (as opposed to a small box) of smarties for him after the lesson if he listened to the teacher and did not shout or scream (or kick). As usual he promised that he would behave - but I've heard that before. The teacher and I also had a secret plan. When he started with 'I don't want to do that' we said 'okay, mummy will do it' - at one point I was doggy paddling up the pool with a woggle under my arms with the other children - I'd got about a third of the way up the pool when he decided that actually he'd like to do that himself. He tested me a few other times but we managed to get to the end of the lesson without a screaming incident and I bundled him up in my arms and said 'I AM SO PROUD OF YOU'.

I've not been able to convey this to his grandparents and his dad well but I could physically see him glow at that remark. It was like he was suddenly filled with a warm coloured light. It's been 3 days now and he's still telling people 'my mummy's proud of me' - his behaviour in general has improved and he's almost sleeping through the night.

Now I'm not naive, I know that we will be back at the battle lines again soon enough but something special happened in that moment - he felt good and he wants more, and so do I