Emotions at Weddings

RB commented on my last post that toddlers at weddings are quite cute - I give you this:

This was before the wedding started when we'd managed to get him (almost) into the suit and he was protesting about having to put shoes on. At this point in time I'd been up and running around for 7 hours, had been trying to get black coffee down the best man's throat (the morning after the night before) and biting my tongue at my mother in law and the original sister in law who'd just turned up and decided to get ready when we needed to leave for the church. Actually you are right RB toddlers are quite cute - at least they can get away with meltdown.

p.s. the svelte lady in pink in the background isn't me ;-)

Is there a Guinness World Record Entry for the Longest Tantrum?

If there isn't then my son may well make the first entry today!

I thought tantrums were the trademark of the 'terrible twos' not once a child reached four. His capacity to scream seems to outlive his ability to remember why he started in the first place.

After an afternoon with grandad he was reluctant to leave as he wanted to see grandma. So when I picked him up at 5pm he started to scream. Protestations that grandma was at work, that she'd got the day off tomorrow to spend the whole day with him and that she wouldn't be back until after bedtime went on deaf ears as he continued to howl.

The usual tactic of tickles raised a few smiles but the howling didn't stop - though a couple of times it subsided into deep heaving sobs. Eventually he was lulled by the motion of the car to sleep. However we all know a child that falls asleep before dinner is likely to wake at 2am having had a full rest and demand breakfast. Upon waking the howling started again - even before he opened his eyes. My mum rang to check he was okay after dad's report of the tantrum upon leaving their house - he was still inconsolable, couldn't hear her on the phone over his own sobs. Traumatised my mum jumped in the car for the 20 minute drive to my house. He just about calmed down to deep sobs again when she arrived and finally settled to eat his dinner. A 2 hour long tantrum (plus a sleep in the middle) has to be a record - OH has repaired to the pub, mum has gone safely home, kiddo is still running around upstairs and I've just consumed the biggest bowl of ice cream. Let's hope he doesn't make a habit of it.

My son, the exhibitionist

Yesterday will be noted down in our family history as 'one of those days'.

My husband has escaped for a few days sitting by a lake, drinking beer, eating beans out of a can and hoping to catch fish (only to throw them back again).

So I thought son and I could do something 'nice' together. We'd had a strained relationship over the past 24 hours after I'd picked him up from an overnight stay at his grandparents and discovered that my father was now sporting a gash on his forehead sustained when a metal bucket full of sand was flung at him in protest of leaving the park that afternoon.

So it was a hot day and we went swimming. His lessons were cancelled for the holidays but as we were there at around the same time as his usual lesson a few of his friends from classes were there too. We had a great time jumping and splashing and racing up and down the pool. Time got on and '5 minutes more' was repeated several times. I could see he was tired and could barely hold his head above the water so I finally put my foot down and carried him out of the pool. Reaction: SCREAMS.

I quickly judged that the poolside showers would be no good as he'd simply run back to the pool - we'd been there before so I headed for the lockable cubicles. I don't know where my strength came from as he's now almost 3 stone and every time I resort to carrying him I end up with a bad back for a few days.

In the cubicle shower he yelled, repeatably, 'No not that one the other one' in such a wail that I'm sure the other people in the changing room were very intrigued as to what was going on.

And then it happened. I let him out of my grasp for a second and he unlocked the door bounded down the corridor, pushed open the heavy door into the pool area (that he'd previously never been able to open, even an hour beforehand), ran into the pool area and headed down the steps into the warer - COMPLETELY NAKED!

I didn't help matters as I ran after him shouting 'noooooooooo' (in my head we were all in slow motion) though I caught him before he actually jumped in and carried him back. He ceased crying for about 10 seconds when we put our swimwear in the spinner (a ritual that he obviously will hold to even mid tantrum) to dry. Then he started the 'I want a treat' rant which continued whilst we got dressed, out to the car and in the car until he fell asleep just before we got home. I kept my cool until we were home, woke him up and then I let rip.

So somewhere along the line someone will be calling social services but now I look back the sight of my 4 year old's bare behind as he made a dash for the pool was quite hilarious and most people in the pool were laughing. I don't think I'll be able to make the trip on my own again.

If only I could just kick back and disappear for a few days - though a spa with the girls beats sitting in a thunderstorm in the hope of catching a fish (which he did, by the way, so he's very happy).

The Power of Praise

The other day I saw the true power of praise. Of course we praise our son regularly - 'oh good boy you've eaten your dinner', 'well done for brushing your teeth', etc. etc. but I suppose these comments have lost their glamour and he barely notices them. (It still makes me laugh when he insists on accompanying me to the toilet and saying 'Well done, Good Girl, mummy!' - thankfully never 'now wash your hands' or 'wipe your bottom'! - always a laugh in M&S ladies'.)

For a few months now we've had a problem with swimming lessons. All week he talks about going swimming and builds himself up into a frenzy of excitement on the actual day. He behaves excellently for the first 10 minutes and then goes into toddler tantrum meltdown - in front of a packed pool - for the rest of the session. Often he calms down for the last 2 minutes and discovers he can actually do what everyone else is doing and then we have meltdown again when I tell him it is time to get out. Last week was a prime example and involved kicking and screaming - on his part - and crying on mine. In the end I dumped him on the side of the pool and stepped away, calmly told him it wasn't acceptable and eventually he joined in with the last 5 minutes of the lesson. For the next three days I couldn't bend my arms at the elbow, as a result of holding him at arms length for so long, and decided that this had to stop.

I resorted to bribery. I told him that there was a big tube (as opposed to a small box) of smarties for him after the lesson if he listened to the teacher and did not shout or scream (or kick). As usual he promised that he would behave - but I've heard that before. The teacher and I also had a secret plan. When he started with 'I don't want to do that' we said 'okay, mummy will do it' - at one point I was doggy paddling up the pool with a woggle under my arms with the other children - I'd got about a third of the way up the pool when he decided that actually he'd like to do that himself. He tested me a few other times but we managed to get to the end of the lesson without a screaming incident and I bundled him up in my arms and said 'I AM SO PROUD OF YOU'.

I've not been able to convey this to his grandparents and his dad well but I could physically see him glow at that remark. It was like he was suddenly filled with a warm coloured light. It's been 3 days now and he's still telling people 'my mummy's proud of me' - his behaviour in general has improved and he's almost sleeping through the night.

Now I'm not naive, I know that we will be back at the battle lines again soon enough but something special happened in that moment - he felt good and he wants more, and so do I